For Your Heaven

Written by Tabalith
Art by Amir Esrafili

Well, I think she looks beautiful
                   with her indigo lips
                                      I think her hair is wonderful,
                                      with all the sand on her scalp
                   I think her eyes are so
                                      dark, so closed, so breathless
                   And I think her hands are so
painfully small

And you know I only understand
                   the pain that kisses your stomach
                                      And do not tell me she is not
                                      the prettiest girl on the cemetery
                   The youngest, she is for sure
                                      the very youngest
                   The closest to a human: smelling, tasting, laughing
like heaven

And the most far away from
                   the earth, crawling up her legs
                                      I think the bloody-white
                                      flowers look so placid
                   They lay on her cheeks like tears;
                                      never will she cry again
                   And the emerald coffin around her tiny body fits her
like a dress

I have not yet washed her clothes,
                   I still smell her from here
                                      There is a world not between
                                      me and her, a whole world
                   There is a heaven (her heaven, your heaven)
                                      I sing this for your heaven
                   There is a hell, it is mine, and I crawl around
in my hell

And do not tell me I will see her again,
                   she is a light I cannot reach
                                      She is a darkness I cannot smell,
                                      a depth I cannot survive
                   I will jump to the other side
                                      and find myself dead on the wall
                   (Like the spider I killed yesterday, thinking that spider
was me)

And I do not know, I do not wish to know
                   how this song will end
                                      The silence between me and her and you
                                      cuts my little ears
                   And I will not turn around to kiss
                                      the face I have kissed too often
                   In some nights, where I swore to have
reached heaven