cooking for two

Written by Atticus Payne
Art by ruoyuart


It’s only a spoilt child that won’t like cooking, that’s what I always say. Oh, it’s not like the other things everyone’s always about doing, scrambling and chasing, trying to make head or tail or wing. No: cooking is simple. It’s the only simple thing in life, I’m afraid.

It’s all about the instructions, you see. That, and your ingredients. If it’s only mediocre, that’s because whoever’s made it hasn’t put in the right effort into finding the right things. That’s all. Now, I didn’t say it’d be quick and easy. It’s work and a precise one, alright. But follow the instructions, put in the time, and, poof! Just like that, you’ve got one perfect pie, or cake, or soup, or any other lovely thing that’ll make everyone happy. It’ll keep them that way, so long as you’ve made enough. There’ll be no shouting, no tussling. No one will be angry if you do it right. Or, or; cooking…cooking…

Cooking is all about your senses. The scents, the methodology—oh, anyone can be good if they just use what they’re given. Nothing hard. And when you’re cooking for someone, ah! I always cook for someone. Every day. 

Or, well, there was yesterday, I suppose. Day before…most every day, then. Um—yes. And today I cook for—who? Who, who, who. Who likes this? Why am I cooking this? Why? If there’s no one coming… . No, that’s not right. I’m cooking for,

Cooking for—who?

The chair’s always a good place for a rest. Especially—especially when you’ve started doing poorly. When you’ve had a fright. A fright, that’s all, nothing more. A fright’ll go away, nothing to worry ya. It’ll be all right in a moment. Just—just sniff and think and breathe in a bit. Cooking is lovely that way.

Ah, yes. There we go. Barely remember the fright now. 

It’s only a spoilt child that won’t like cooking, that’s what I always say. Oh, it’s not like the other things everyone’s always about doing, scrambling and chasing, trying to make head or tail or wing. No: cooking is simple. It’s the only simple thing in life, I’m afraid.

It’s all about the instructions, you see. That, and your ingredients. If it’s only mediocre, that’s because whoever’s made it hasn’t put in the right effort into finding the right things. That’s all… 

I’m afraid.

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