Written by Atticus Payne
Art by Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot
I want to scream at the world
I want to lose my temper
To destroy, and crush, and draw blood so each surface can weep the tears that will not come
That wound that refuses to dry.
I want to hate you
I want to claw at your face
To run from this problem
To spill this guilt out
To feel as hurt as my pride asserts it has been.
I don’t want to be wise
I don’t want to be controlled
I want to fall
To my knees
To be done with this nonsense
To leave you behind.
But I swore and swore, damn you
That however idiotic you were
I would not hold it against you
I would not leave you
I would not lash back.
I promised to be better for your sorry soul
Because I love you
I love you more than either of us know.
I was given this gift
And I won’t burn it away
I swear we’ll work together unless you say
The word I beg for
Just tell me to go
Make this story easier
Bring it to a close
My head begs you
My heart laments these wicked chains
My hands shake with longing to give in
To externalize this rage
Let me leave you
I’m tired, I’m spent
I don’t want to do what’s right
I don’t want to hang over the ravine
Suspended by knots I didn’t tie
So let’s just please sort this out
Because there’s really no other good option
I love you.